From Sudden Sleepovers to Strategically Scheduled Stays
Gone are the days when a couple of friends would spend the night on a lark – one on the couch, one on the floor. It used to be so easy and natural to have people sleep over, and with no planning involved. While always working full time, getting up early the next morning was never a problem. Everything seemed so simple in our 20s. (Though I didn’t plan healthy meals or clean much…somehow these things didn’t matter. Ignorance was bliss!) Today, a sleepover entails so much forethought and planning. Are there clean sheets on the guest bed? Is the bathroom sink clean? Trash emptied? Enough food for breakfast? Any bras lying around? How to share a living space can feel complicated once we’re ingrained in our routines and lifestyle. Hosting houseguests can create more stress than fun if you let it. Let’s explore how to be a calm host instead!
Learning how to be a calm host not only sets a pleasant atmosphere for company, but it makes hosting an enjoyable experience for you. While hosting houseguests may have once been no big deal, it can now be an effort of another level. As we get older, people’s expectations of overnight accommodations typically increase. As for our personal lives, we learn more about ourselves and about life as time goes on. We incorporate routines into our lives, for better or for worse, and we are more reluctant to stray from those routines. Inviting others into our intimate space – that is, our home – can be a wonderfully blessing experience. It can also upset our equilibrium if we do not properly prepare. It’s important to keep that equilibrium intact so that your hosting experience blesses both you and your guests.
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1. Vet Your Houseguests
Who is coming to stay is the most important factor in planning their visit. Obviously, you don’t want to invite people who are disagreeable or distressing. However, sometimes people host family members who would otherwise have nowhere else to stay and doing so is the only way to see them. And some family can be difficult to live with. When you choose to host such guests out of charity or whatever justified reason, you especially need to prepare for their visit so that it goes as smoothly as possible. Often times, when you put in the necessary physical, mental and emotional preparation, things go much more smoothly than anticipated. As a general rule, make sure you agree to host people out of genuine desire and hospitality, not out of obligation and hidden resentment. Otherwise, unless you are keeping them out of very-real danger, you are doing no one a favor.
2. Know Yourself and Your Own Needs
The quickest way to let a hosting experience turn sour is to neglect your own needs at the expense of others. You are responsible for meeting your own needs, and they may differ greatly from those of your guests. Before even agreeing to host, make sure that you can do so in such a way that allows you to still meet your own physical, emotional and social needs, however those look. Consider whatever time you need for self-care or exercise. Be sure to include those in the space and the schedule of your houseguests’ visit.
What is your routine? Which parts of your routine can you bend in order to graciously accommodate your guests without feeling strain? How can you kindly, firmly and respectfully explain your needs and your routine to your guests? Make sure they know your expectations. It is your home. Any decent visitor is happy to respect your expectations. You are responsible for clearly communicating these up front.
3. Know Your Guests and Their Needs
Your guests may live very differently from you, and they are at your mercy when they stay in your home. It is only considerate to help them feel as comfortable as possible within the differences of your space. How can they feel relaxed and welcomed? Understand their routine and how you can best allow for and accommodate that. Nobody wants to be a hindrance and feel like they are ‘in the way.’ When you establish your needs and your guests’ needs in advance and up front, nobody will have to guess as to whether they are stepping on someone else’s toes. We all want to feel respected, welcomed and celebrated, not begrudged and annoying.
A non-exhaustive list of guests’ preferences and needs can include the following:
- How many bath towels do your guests need for the sink and shower?
- Are your guests cold-natured and likely to shiver in non-stop air conditioning? Are they hot-natured and likely to sweat under a thick comforter?
- What breakfast staples do they prefer? Do they have any dietary restrictions or needs?
- What is their typical schedule? Do they sleep in or do they wake early? When do they go to bed?
- How soundly do they sleep? Would a pink noise fan/sound machine help them (or you) to sleep better by muffling other people’s noises if somebody goes to bed earlier or sleeps in later than someone else?
- What are their relational needs (this depends on the purpose of their visit and their relationship to you)? How much interaction with you do they expect or prefer?
4. Have a Plan
It may feel like your whole schedule gets thrown off when company visits if you don’t have the privacy and freedom to do everything you normally do. Your time is suddenly hijacked by entertaining, or at least by that nagging feeling that you have to entertain regardless of anyone else’s expectations. Getting thrown off your rhythm can be annoying, and it’s easy for that to breed resentment. Don’t let that happen. This is why it’s helpful to not only clarify needs and expectations up front, but to also have an execution plan. Whatever amount of time and space you need to do your own business as usual, make sure your company is aware of that and has a plan for that time so as to not disturb you and to easily get their own needs met. This way there is no confusion or questions and things go smoothly.
Allow into your schedule whatever amount of flexibility you are comfortable with. Make sure you have the time and space to do whatever is essential to your well-being and sense of balance. Then, for everything else, see what flexibility you can afford so as to accommodate your company. Their stay is temporary, so make the most of it. What types of activities would be interesting or meaningful to them? How can you all connect in a way that is meaningful and gratifying for everyone? How can they help you? People are usually happy to help with something they know how to do or enjoy doing. If they want to help you with whatever tasks you would have done on your own, let them help you! This is a respectful way to acknowledge their competence.
Understand the Purpose of Your Guests’ Visit to Make the Most of It
Tasks and schedule needs aside, what will everyone do while your guests are visiting? What are they here for? Do you already have plans for your shared time, or is the schedule an open slate? If you and your company are both laid back and happy to do whatever anyone feels like on any given day, then you won’t need to schedule much of anything except to make sure you have food available (or, at least, restaurants or grocery stores open nearby). Otherwise, if either you or your guests prefer to have a planned schedule so that you or they know what to expect, then you’ll want to at least have some idea of what you all will do. Here is where the purpose of the visit is key.
If the purpose of the visit is simply to spend time together, consider what would make a quality experience for everyone. Are you and your guests able-bodied enough to take a walk or other healthy excursion? Do you all enjoy long meals at restaurants, or do you love to cook together for home-cooked meals?
Would they enjoy visiting places unique to your area such as museums, parks or events? If so, plan these things in advance so you don’t waste time during their visit researching hours, costs and other logistics at the last minute. This is also the reason to plan a loose schedule for your own travels, because no one wants to waste limited time. Consider your guests and their time, and don’t let them miss an opportunity that could be planned in advance. Help them make the most of their time by already knowing their options and logistics.
Include your Guests in Your Own Life Activities
If your neighbours are having a yard party, why not invite your houseguests to join you? Of course, this only applies to situations where it is appropriate to invite others. But some people welcome visiting family or friends even to intimate gatherings – you just have to know the host and always ask if in doubt. If there are local events you want to attend, invite your guests to come! They may rather stay home and relax, but they may also enjoy the outing. Don’t shy away from including your guests in already-planned or even casually planned, open-ended events. If you host guests frequently, you can’t close off your life to your own community circle. Guests enjoy seeing new people in new places, too. The point is to give them the option and also to not feel like you have to cancel or postpone all of your own plans with others.
5. Remember the Basics of Hosting
Be sure your space is clean and inviting. Have fresh, clean bedding on the sleeping area and clean towels and wash cloths visibly available. Be sure the bathroom is presentable! Wipe down surfaces, clean the toilet, and remove clutter so your guests have space for their own toiletries. Bathroom time is frustrating when there are zero surfaces on which to place your toiletries when you need to use them.
If there isn’t a reasonable amount of space for guests to keep needed items at hand, you could provide a toiletry caddy in which they can place their personal belongings. Guests can carry it from their sleeping space to the bathroom as needed using the rope handles. If you have more than one bathroom, visibly store the toilet plunger in the bathroom your guests use. That way, if there is a plumbing incident, they won’t feel embarrassed to ask for your help and can probably tackle the issue on their own.
Clear out luggage space as needed, too. Make sure there is at least one place in the area where they will sleep where they can place their bag(s). Ideally, they will also have a table near their sleeping area for their personal belongings. You don’t want them struggling to cram their personal belongings on limited surfaces between your tchotchkes. Always de-clutter and dust all surfaces your guest will use. This includes nightstands and tables in the guest bedroom, tables where people eat, and anywhere else you wouldn’t want to wipe a finger only to scoop up a black fingertip (yikes). A microfiber dusting cloth is inexpensive and the easiest and most effective way to dust smooth surfaces.
An Extra Touch: Supply a Few Good Reads
Many people these days resort to staring at their smartphone every spare second they aren’t actively doing something else, but it is still considerate to provide casual reading material for guests to peruse any time they are relaxing or waiting to go somewhere.
Interesting magazines or coffee table books are usually fun and easy reads that people appreciate. These can also make for good conversation!
6. Make Food as Obviously Available as Possible
Food is a universal comfort for people, and for good reason. We need it to survive! But it also affects our mental and physical well-being. It should be easy as possible for guests to meet their eating and drinking needs. Before you offer someone a refreshment, have it out and available so it is already opened and ready to eat/drink. Otherwise, your guest may be reluctant to accept your offer even if they would like it. Some people are polite to the point of turning down food for fear of not wanting to inconvenience their host. Make it easier for them to accept by offering a plate already dressed with snacks or by proffering an open bottle of wine or freshly brewed coffee. In addition, if you tell your guests that you are also about to eat/drink whatever you offer, they’ll be much more likely to accept and join you.
Even if your company loves going out to eat and you all plan to do so for most of the meals during their visit, you should still have snacks, staples and meal ingredients on hand. Firstly, you should naturally have whatever you already eat so that you don’t need to worry about squeezing in a grocery trip during your guests’ visit. In addition, have enough extra food to share as well as enough to whip up a good meal for everyone on a whim. Know your guests’ dietary restrictions and preferences in advance.
The Takeaway: A Happy and Considerate Host = A Happy Time for All
When company visits and you feel that time was spent well and bonds strengthened, it will feel worth your schedule flexibility and changed plans. So long as you arrange for your own needs to be met however they need to be met, and you are good at clearly communicating and effectively connecting, you will not be drained but rather energized. The problem then becomes, you may not want them to go home! But, most likely, everyone will have enjoyed the visit and will go on their own way feeling happy. That includes you, having mastered how to be a calm host. Ideally, you will glide back into your normal routine with ease and without feeling frazzled or under-accomplished. At the end of the day, your house is your house, and everybody wins when both you and your guests are happy, relaxed and comfortable.