Dads are Superstars
The importance of fathering cannot be underestimated. Children soak up every drop of fatherly love and attention. Just watch how your child’s face lights up when Daddy comes home from work! Dads who intentionally cultivate healthy loving relationships with their children understand what is truly valuable in life.
Many dads work hard to provide the financial stability to raise their children in a safe and comfortable lifestyle. They sacrifice their time and energy to meet the family’s tangible needs. Many dads are home with their children as their primary or part-time carer, and spend a significant amount of time and energy caring for their children day after day. Every dad’s role is unique, and every dad’s role is important. Let’s honor all fathers this Father’s Day by doing whatever we can to show our appreciation and support.
Consider Meaningful Gifts and Ways to Support Dad
Think about what types of gestures would mean the most to the father in your life – whether your own father, the father of your children, or another father. Is there anything tangible that you know they want but which they are hesitant to splurge on? What sorts of activities do they enjoy? What would it take to facilitate their participation in those activities?
Many modern fathers lack a healthy dad network. While new mothers are often encouraged to participate in social groups with other mothers for much-needed support, there isn’t yet a lot of social support publicized for fathers. For mothers this is, of course, crucial. But dads need other dad friends, too, and unless they already know other dads with similarly-aged children, they may find it harder to meet others. This is particularly true when dads are primary income earners and don’t have a lot of time off of work to meet other dads in social settings.
Maybe he needs some TLC. Or maybe he needs a long-due break from the endless responsibilities we all face (car work, yard work, household chores, childcare duties, etc.). If you don’t know, ask him! But whatever he needs, Father’s Day is a perfect opportunity to make that happen for at least one day. Would he enjoy a fun outing with fellow dads or other friends? Is he craving a carefree date with just the two of you? Can you arrange for a family member, friend or babysitter to keep the kids that day so you can take Dad wherever he wants to go? Whatever an ideal day or break would look like for him, he will likely appreciate any effort to make it happen.
Dad Archetypes: ‘Cool’ vs. Quirky vs. Crotchety
Since we don’t often discuss fathering specifically, what better opportunity than now to discuss a funny but honest topic of fatherly self-reflection? That discussion point is: don’t accidentally turn into a musically crotchety dad!
Many dads want to be a ‘cool’ dad (and many moms likewise want to be a ‘cool’ mom). Whether or not they succeed at that, only their kids will tell!
You may think you’re being a cool dad… 
but to your kids, you may as well look like this
On the other hand, many dads take the other extreme and pride their selves on being a dorky dad. These are the ones from whom you may never hear the end of dad jokes. They may take secret pleasure in donning frumpy dad sweaters or glasses. Whether you consider those efforts to be cute and fun or weird and quirky, they’re harmless. What we don’t want is to unintentionally go beyond quirky and become crotchety.
Both mothers and fathers sometimes morph into an understood ‘archetype’ of their role. They both can develop the ‘baby pouch’ or the ‘dad pouch’ (that stubborn deposit of belly feared to be permanent). Both can accrue a questionable wardrobe (mom jeans make sense due to midsection comfort and aforementioned baby pouch, but dad sweater vests lack as strong of an excuse). Both can end up with unsexy oversized vehicles (minivans, I’m looking at you) to lug around all of the stuff that comes along with children. While many of these things make sense, others are unnecessary.
The Transformation Into Musically Crotchety Dad
Take the crotchety dad. The extreme version is crotchety about everything and makes a huff for every mess of toys that hasn’t been cleaned and every table manner not minded. That is a bigger issue all on its own. However, it’s possible for otherwise easy-going dads to more frequently slip into crotchety mode if they aren’t careful. Music comes to mind.
The musically crotchety dad can’t stand hearing modern music. Every time his child plays a new song, he makes a fuss about how no good music has been produced since the year 19[fill in last two digits of your taste] and how the child ought to listen to ‘real’ music. ‘Real’ music almost invariably consists of such overplayed genres as classic rock from the 1960s, funk from the 70s, new wave from the 80s and/or grunge from the 90s. And while all of those genres host plenty of musical gems, musically crotchety dad dismisses the broad fact that music continues to evolve into new sounds and styles now just as it always has in the past.
How to Be a Musically Open-Minded Parent
Even if the music that the child listens to does sound terrible and completely devoid of all talent, we don’t have to be crotchety parents. If our child really loves the music, we can try to acknowledge any positive qualities of it. If we cannot find any positive qualities, then we can stick to neutral (‘it sure has a fast beat!’, or ‘that’s interesting, what he’s doing with his voice there’). Having an open-minded curiosity toward our children’s music will at least show them that we are interested in their world. It is important to not tinge everything we don’t like with negativity. (It is different when musical lyrics are truly disturbing and not words that we want our children to hear. That is a different topic and conversation to address and will look unique depending on the child’s age and understanding.)
In order to not be a crotchety dad (or mom, for that matter), try to actually listen to your kids’ new music. Try to avoid criticizing and emphasize any positive, if possible, even if your observations are just neutral. You don’t have to pretend to like something, and if your child asks, you can casually explain that it isn’t a style of music that you prefer but you appreciate their individual taste. Chances are you may very well not like it! But that doesn’t mean you have to be crotchety about it.
Being Open to New Music Means Staying Open to New Discoveries in All of Life
I think that underlying the musically crotchety dad’s attitude is a lack of genuine novelty. The joy in discovering something new and delightful may not have sprung up since the last year of whatever crotchety dad’s version of ‘real’ music was. Often, that is why some people are so fixated on music of a particular era: it reminds them of the last time they had any real excitement in life. It may be time to do things that facilitate opportunities for excitement and surprise.
As with all things, when we stop learning we stop growing. Even if dad is mostly open-minded and laid back, if he shuts himself off to hearing new music because it always disappoints him, it may be that he has not allowed himself ample time to discover any fun new surprises in a long time. Even if he is a musician or just deeply appreciates quality music and talent (as many of us do!), he can accept the varying paths of self-expression that other artists choose to take. Naturally, we have to be open to hearing bad music before we ever hear anything new that we like. And radio music is such a small percentage of all new music. There is so much more music that talented musicians across the world create every day. It is our responsibility to discover their music and to share it when we love it.
The Takeaway: Provide Opportunities for Children to Hear a Variety of Music
Fathering can be difficult, and there is no easy 18-year roadmap to follow. We won’t do everything perfectly. That’s why it helps to stay mentally flexible and open-minded. So long as there is no moral infringement with the music our children favor (such as hateful lyrics), they should be free to explore whatever sound interests them. And when dad plays his own preferred music at any time, his children will also get to hear that. As long as kids are exposed to a healthy variety of musical styles, they will explore their own preferences. The internet has fortunately made it very easy for anyone in the world to hear any type of music. Chances are, the more they hear, the more types they will enjoy. And remember that while we teach our kids so much, they will also surprise us with how much they teach us along the way.
Happy Father’s Day to beloved dads of all types!