Humans need a house or some form of reliable shelter to physically survive. But humans also need a home, or a physical place – typically their house/dwelling – where they feel an emotional sense of safety, security and belonging. Both components of a home/shelter are essential human needs. While building a house is a complex project involving plenty of teamwork, skills, tools and time, creating a home is more like alchemy. It’s space improvement from square one. So here we’ll explore how to make a house feel like a home and the magic that goes into that process.
The Under-Discussed Challenge of Moving House
There’s no way to instantly fabricate the feeling of being at home when you first move into a new house. Like building a physical house, it takes time, materials, and much effort. It takes insight and creativity. And depending on how much free time you have (and whether or not you have young kids), it can take months. The challenge then becomes how to make a house feel like a home – that is, how to feel comfortably at home – in the midst of a work in progress. That journey is one I recently took and which I’ll detail here to share lessons I’ve learned along the way. Hopefully you’ll then be prepared for the next time you embark on a move and need to recreate your own home! Even if you don’t plan to move any time soon, you can still use the same concepts to revamp your existing home.
The Creating a Home category in Space Improvement documents how I crafted an attractive and comfortable living space out of a dark and dirty house in disrepair. In this series you’ll find various posts detailing how I tackled specific rooms or areas of the house. What I would like for you to take away from this are the concepts I put into place that helped me make the decisions I made. The reasoning behind how I created my new home, piece by piece, room by room, closet by closet, is what I hope you can then apply to your own home endeavours – be it an existing home or a new home into which you’ll move.
Why We Moved House
Everyone has a reason they move house, and those reasons are vast and varied. Some people are refugeed from a home dear to them and must relocate and make a home instantaneously, often in a foreign country with different customs. Others need to relocate for a new job. Some relocate regularly for military service. And some relocate for any other necessity such as proximity to a friend or family member in need, or for any personal preferences.
In our case, we wanted a bigger house. Not because we just wanted a bigger house (there are significant downsides – increased cost/taxes, typically, as well as increased utility costs for running heat and AC, and let’s not forget increased time spent cleaning). But with two young children and an ever-increasing amount of stuff (including necessities and gifted-but-useful toys), we needed more storage space than our old house provided. Plus, with my husband working at home after getting a new job last spring that includes regular video calls, we needed a better arrangement so that our bedroom (adjacent to the boys’ rooms and ensuing loudness) didn’t have to serve as his office.
The Catastrophic Curveball
As often happens, life threw us a curveball. We knew we were stretching our budget to buy a larger house – larger than we needed, but location and connections played a significant role in this decision. What we didn’t know was that we were buying a house with decades of deferred maintenance from dishonest and misleading sellers who played into our trust with southern charm and avowed church involvement (note: ignore charisma when considering business transactions!). We later found that they owned a wealth of properties and had, in their own house, discreetly covered up many serious problems in such a way that we had no real legal clout to litigate. That’s as far as I’ll explain, but suffice it to say, our budget became a circus after having to drop significant funds on home repairs (including structural damage, roof leaks, basement leaks, bug infestations, major appliance failures, and much more).
After plenty of consultations and realization that no legal action toward either the previous owners nor the home inspector would pan out in our favor given the litigation cost and process, we realized we’ll need to move again in the near future in order to heal our budget and return to a healthier work/life balance. That realization caused me plenty of distress because making the home here turned out to be no small feat. Making the home has turned into a very real and visceral challenge for me over the past year. But I have more confidence now that it won’t be as painstaking the next time around, as I learned how to make a house feel like a home and can apply what I’ve learned to our next move. My hope is that you can benefit from this cautionary but informative tale as well!
A Brief Personal History That Laid the Groundwork for Making the Home
Rewind two years ago when I had a newborn baby (number one priority, always) and, even further back, almost three years ago when I made the decision to place Space Improvement on hold and focus exclusively on a new site, Party Themes Galore. I worked hard to plan and prepare that project and was able to at least get it started just before a serious slow-down in time for the baby. It wasn’t long after the baby was born that my older child’s behavioral challenges were concerning enough to have him formally tested and diagnosed. We learned he was on the spectrum, but it took a full year before we were able to get him any help (the sad state of services in the state where we live in).
Needless to say that was a very difficult year (as was the former one while pregnant) and blog work took a long hiatus. But I made a decision to jump back in come autumn when the baby was almost one, and I worked hard for a good five months to pump out 100+ posts for partythemesgalore.com. That cost me a lot of sleep and a little sanity, but I reached my goal and by spring decided to focus more on cultivating social gatherings and to work on my blogs in time blocks rather than by quantitative goals. Only a couple of months later, however, we were in contract for a bigger house nearby and that new development interrupted blog work for six months. It was an extremely difficult six months. But it plunged me into the challenge of creating a new home from a soulless house in real time.
Creating a Home Amidst Critical Home Repairs and Chaos
To anyone for whom cleanliness is remotely important, you’ll understand why I had a very difficult time living in an absolutely filthy space with two needy young children. I spent weeks and months thoroughly cleaning before I even felt comfortable filling the closets and bathroom cabinets. (Tip: regardless of how many methods I tried, the only way to truly clean that cheap white rubber-coated wire closet shelving is to scrub every individual piece of wire on every individual shelf with alcohol wipes. I had to do this to eight closets, and I am not kidding when I share that each closet took hours).
We lived with clothes, linens and toiletries piled on the floor for weeks. And of course the first thing I did after everything had been moved into the house on the first day was a rapid but thorough vacuum job. To give an idea of how dirty the wood floor was, it later took me at least a dozen heavy-duty Swiffer wipes to clean the floor of just one room downstairs (the study). Without kids, all of this would be a certain inconvenience, but having an easy-to-turn-on ‘smart’ oven and a genius toddler who can unlock anything with a touch screen has been only one of the many stressors of trying to cook and live a normal everyday life with some sense of routine amidst ensuing chaos.
Suspended Peace and Privacy
On top of the house’s condition (and because of it), any ensuing attempts at peace and settling in to make the place our own were constantly interrupted by workers repeatedly in and out of the house to fix massive roof leaks, a failing furnace, a broken dishwasher, a leaking refrigerator, a leaking toilet, a roach and carpenter ant infestation, and structural damage due to faulty construction. Then in-laws staying for weeks after we’d been living here only a month, while everything was still a hectic work in progress and all I truly needed was physical and mental space to think, problem-solve, rest, and grieve in peace.
It was rather inconvenient that my biggest emotional trigger/wound happens to be any lack of privacy and specifically personal/sacred space. Without venturing into other significant challenges that ensued, the point is that the first several months of living in our new house felt like utter rot. I had no idea how to make a house feel like a home when our physical space, finances, and family peace were all in disarray. I keep working at it, though. Thankfully, after roughly five months in, things had mostly settled. But even seven months later we are still waiting for tradesmen to eventually come and fix exterior doors, and we are living in a still very shaken aftermath while also continuing to mourn and dearly miss our old house and the easy, comfortable family life it represented.
The Mental Toll of a Home Disruption
After living in stress and fatigue for long enough, it’s easy to lose our passion. I stopped working on my blog even when I finally had a little time again, because I’d simply lost the confidence to write. While I wanted to evolve my priorities again, I was now obsessed with how to make a house feel like a home. Especially after months of madness and dealing with family stressors, I reached a new low and didn’t have motivation to even try to get back into work or creative pursuits. Even when some glimmer of passion arose, days or weeks went by before I had adequate time to indulge it. There are rarely more than a few consecutive hours to do anything, simply because of everyday demands and life circumstances beyond my control, particularly lack of adequate support. I know many mothers can relate, and plenty even more so.
There is so much we can’t control for when attempting to make plans for how we spend our time. Amazingly, if it snows just a few inches, my kids are out of school for five days and can’t return to a normal schedule until a week later. We have to drop big cash on a last-minute babysitter for my toddler so I can help my neurodivergent son with virtual schooling on every ‘snow’ day. While I’m grateful that we live in an age with the technology for learning virtually, it doesn’t help families whose children normally have extra support in their primary public learning environment (without screaming toddlers).
Hope for the Best and Still Be Prepared for the Worst
The point is, when you have no actual control over most of your time (and therefore life), and when childcare is inconsistent or unreliable, there isn’t much joy in making goals or pursuing passions – whether profitable or not. Moving house is just another of those unpredictable and uncontrollable processes that can greatly affect your life. No matter what measures you put into place to secure what you believe you are fairly buying, people may be untrustworthy and systems in place may be unjust or prioritize those with wealth and power. (I realize this is new information to no one anywhere.)
Ultimately, the months-long process of creating a home in this house was a major life disruption that’s been more than just a financial setback. Learning how to make a house feel like a home with so many layers of stressors took a significant emotional and mental toll as well. You can explore more mental health topics in the Inner Space section of Space Improvement, but because this is such a prominent reality of moving house, I wanted to share this personal experience here. Even with everything neatly arranged, unexpected circumstances can always sneak up. And that’s what makes it ever important to have the tools for creating a home out of ashes to pull you from a sense of ‘emotional homelessness’ and chaos into a sense of order and belonging.
How to Make a House Feel Like a Home: The Ideal (and Real) Process
There is such satisfaction in taking a dark, depressing, void-of-life space and filling it with life and beauty and purpose. But it takes a lot of time, determination, and patience. I’ve learned plenty of lessons for what to do or not do come our next move!
Arrange for a Leisurely Move
Firstly and for heaven’s sake, if it’s at all within your power, the best way to move is to stretch it out as long as possible – certainly longer than a couple of days. Because we had to first sell our old house to buy this bigger more expensive one and then get the loan money to complete the transaction before moving in, we were paying rent to our buyer for a brief period and didn’t want to extend that time beyond what was necessary. So after closing on our new house we immediately moved: an awful mistake. I hadn’t quite finished packing our old house (I left the kitchen and bathrooms for last…yikes) and, unbeknownst to us, the new house was filthy. Our moving company was led by a less-than-professional individual with a less-than-healthy attitude, and the rush of everything on top of that made it an incredibly stressful event.
All of these difficulties are amplified with young children. So if you have a family, please heed this information and make decisions according to what you’ve learnt, decided, and intuited. Living in this place right after moving was rough. I never want to do that again. There were way too many household dangers for my toddler (without anything properly unpacked or secured) and way too much screaming by me. Starting kindergarten only six weeks after moving and then preschool two weeks after that were big transitions that we wanted to focus on and savor. Had the house not had massive problem after problem, that would have been easier. We did our best to find joy and meaning in these events. But ultimately and from now on, I want whatever place I move into to be already cosy and ready for my family and I – and especially for my kids.
Secure Comfortable Living Arrangements While You Prepare the New Home
So how do you make that happen so you don’t have to navigate how to make a house feel like a home while living there at the same time? The only way to make sure a new home is ready (or at least ready enough) to feel some semblance of peace once you move in is to stay in your current home a bit longer. You just need enough time to adequately prepare the new place. But that can be tricky when buying and selling real estate (or renting, for that matter – unless you have the savings to pay double rent for an extra month!) and there are so many provisions and unknowns.
There are, however, ways to elongate your stay before you ultimately have to move, which often depends on the buyer. My mom’s buyers let her stay at her condo after she sold it so she could finish up a few things before moving state. Others may be just as gracious, but be sure any provisions are in a contract. You could also stay with relatives or friends, should that be comfortable enough temporarily. The point is to have a comfortable and homelike place to remain in or temporarily stay in before you move into the new home, so that you have time to get the house home in at least a tolerable/livable condition.
Savor Your Old Home Before You Finally Leave It (and Don’t Rush It)
I don’t mind working on the transformation process of a new home – it can be very rewarding, in fact – as long as I have a place that feels like home to stay at in the meantime. We did not have that benefit last summer, and that’s what made our move so horrible. In addition, we realized too late that our old house was such a refuge, such a sanctuary, and such an important space full of love that we’d taken for granted. The emotional toll of loss of a home that we had grown and loved and expanded in was completely unexpected.
I am a sentimental person, but seven months later both my spouse and I grieve our old house and that is the biggest impact that caught me completely off guard. Having had more time in our old house while preparing to finally move into this one could have eased that transition. We would have still felt all the feelings, but it may have been a little less traumatic. So don’t underestimate the power of home in your present living place, especially if it’s one you’ve shared with people who are important to you. No matter what inconveniences or shortfalls or very legitimate reasons for wanting to move, there is something sacred about existing in a space. We are sacred beings, ultimately, and we often find that out too late.
How to Make a House Feel Like a Home While Living Among Chaos
Let’s say you have no options for living comfortably someplace different – whether your current home or elsewhere – while you prepare your new home for livability. Let’s say you are in a similar situation to what I was in and have to learn how to make a house feel like a home in challenging circumstances. In that case, journey with me throughout the Creating a Home in a New House series to learn what you may be able to expect in the process. The more you know and can prepare ahead of time, the better off you’ll weather any storm – I guarantee it!
During the process of cleaning and all-but-renovating our new house, I occasionally thought about photo-documenting the progress. But I never remembered to do so in the moment, save for some photos of some of the closets where I put up peel-and-stick wallpaper. Otherwise, I either forgot, lacked any motivation, or the house had too many toys strewn everywhere because I have a two-year-old toddler tornado. It may have also been my subconscious hating the ‘before’ state of the house so much that I didn’t even want to capture it in imagery. Either way, the former state of the house matters less than its interior transition. In tackling how to make a house feel like a home I have slowly but surely gotten to enjoy the improvement – and, most importantly, so has my whole family.
Creating a Home in a New House: Rooms and More Rooms
As for the before version of the house, I’ll detail what I can verbally and let your powerful imagination fill in the rest! You’ll find separate posts for different areas of the house, grouped accordingly:
- Kitchen and Dining Room
- Foyer, Basement and Garage
- Living Rooms
- Sunroom and Study
- Upstairs
There is also a post called Creating Comfortable Spaces Using the Stuff/Space Ratio. The stuff/space ratio is a term I coined to describe the amount of stuff we have inside of our homes relative to the amount of space in our homes. I’ve learned that not only is it important to keep our homes free of clutter, but it’s also important to furnish our homes so that they don’t feel too sparse. That discussion covers some challenges and hacks that are good to know.
Moving House and How to Make a House Feel Like a Home: the Alchemy of Comfort
Any living space where you exist can become a home. It may take a while and a whole lot of effort, but you and yours can eventually savor those efforts. And even if you know you’ll need to move again in the near future – whether due to a situation like ours, or due to a military lifestyle or migrant worker job, know that every home is just as much of a home no matter how short your stay. Because you are important and therefore your dwelling place is, too. Every new home can also be just as much of a home as the last. It’s hard to leave a special place, but you can always cherish that and feel proud of what you created. And know that, with time, the next place you’ll live will be just as wonderful.