The Reality of the World As We Know It
With very few exceptions, humanity has always been male-dominated. I believe the basis of this is the most obvious difference between the sexes: physical size and strength. If every woman could meet every man in a fair fight of strength, there would likely be no long-lasting patriarchal societies because women would no longer have to make subservient choices based on the threat of physical violence. The world would be more egalitarian (at least, among the sexes). Even in our many modern societies where the majority of men are quite civil, there are deeply entrenched systems, paradigms, and enough uncivil men in power to keep it a ‘man’s world’. And yet, I challenge you to realize how women shape history.
While we don’t live in a fair world by any means, there are plenty of ways in which women shape history through incredible triumphs. Society worldwide has improved tremendously. Sadly, progress is almost always at the expense of people’s lives, but such is the price that many have had to pay for justice in every area. Fighting for justice – whether for women’s rights, racial equally, or cultural or religious freedom – involves difficult decisions. People must choose to pursue their cause at the risk of not only their own lives but the lives of their families. That is a hard pill to swallow, and is understandably the reason more people don’t stand up against oppressive regimes.
The True Reality We Forget (or Downplay)
Have you ever considered the significance of what you do that people don’t see, however? Not all progress is visible, and not all change is documented. Our most valuable asset is actually not our physical prowess, but our mind. I won’t go into detail over the amazing capacity and untapped potential of the human mind, but just consider the impact that human minds have had on the world at large – both for good and for bad. Now, consider the human entities that wield the most physical power: governments or other ruling bodies and their militaries.
These dominant powers are comprised of individual adults, mostly males, who grew up in various communities. Communities are comprised of individual families. Within families, children grow up in a variety of environments – family life varies greatly from one society to another – but young children are primarily reared by women. This chain of connection illustrates that almost every human in the most powerful positions worldwide began their early lives in the care of women. And while these women are often at the mercy of their society in terms of cultural norms and traditions, they hold an exceptional position of power as nurturers of small human minds. This is how, ultimately, women shape history.
Parenting is the Most Powerful Job
Raising children is no walk in the park (though taking children to walk in the park is a lovely activity). Raising children is the ultimate marathon where every mile is a year of their life (yes, a full twenty-six in the USA if you plan to keep them on your health insurance) and is filled with many obstacles, challenges and detours (as well as encouraging music, people cheering along the side, and helpers offering water and snacks for sustenance). I think most people graciously understand the magnitude of mothering (or fathering, or nannying, or teaching for that matter), but lest anyone think being a so-called ‘stay-at-home-mom’ or ‘stay-at-home-dad’ is somehow easier or less impressive a job than a paid gig in the workforce, consider the fact that you are moulding a human mind. There is nothing more impressive than that.
You have tremendous influence over whether your child becomes a wildly successful and positive force in the world, or a psychopathic criminal (no pressure). And depending on whether or not you have any regular help, let’s not forget all the logistics nobody mentions like the fact that your actual monetary worth exceeds that of the best full-time nanny plus house cleaning service plus live-in chef. Also, depending on how much help you have, you may have little to no actual breaks, unlike paid jobs where people get a 30-60 minute lunch break and paid vacation.
I think most people grasp the gravity of full-time parenting, but I want drive this point home in case anyone doubts the importance of their place. And while it is highly ironic that such an important job – to raise well-adjusted citizens who positively contribute to society – is unpaid when you are doing it for your own children and family, we need to remember that our actual worth is never based on our income. (Case in point: if we have a zombie apocalypse, I won’t be running to the wealthiest person in Silicon Valley – I will be running to the woodsy homesteader in rural Appalachia who hunts, raises chickens and built his/her own house).
Young Children Absorb Every Interaction
All of the great minds in the world began somewhere. They technically began in a woman’s womb, and then they were developed and encouraged by those who raised them – usually their mothers – for the first few years of their lives. For simplicity’s sake I refer to mothers, but please know that fathers, foster parents or relatives, and other carers are also implied. The intention and effort with which a mother raises her young child has profound effects on his cognitive and emotional facilities. His mental flexibility, emotional resilience, and ability to handle life’s challenges with a healthy sense of self are all shaped by his early environment. And while mothers cannot always control their external environment, they can at least direct intentional love and support to their children in every circumstance.
Please understand that the seriousness of a mother’s role when caring for a young child is not meant to intimidate us or worry us into thinking we better shape up (we all already have enough of those thoughts as it is!), but rather to encourage us to consider how much power we actually have in the world. These aren’t just children we’re dealing with. Every child is a potential world leader. Every child is a potential CEO, judge, teacher, college president, chief, legislator, religious leader, or commanding officer.
When we mothers realize just how crucial our role is, how much we have the ability to turn the tide of the times and make the world a better place – just by instilling a healthy sense of empowerment, empathy, security and love in our children, we realize that we actually hold the ultimate power. We ultimately have the upper hand even if most of us can’t beat a stronger man at hand-to-hand combat. We biologically make men. We have the last laugh. And while there are certainly other factors and influencers involved in child-rearing, women hold a special role here.
Most everyone already knows that mothering is a special and unique experience of utmost importance. What many people do not already know is that intentional and positive mothering has the power to actually change the world. This sounds terribly cliché but that is probably why people don’t believe it!
Provide Unconditional Love While Modeling Self-Love
No matter where we are in our mothering journey, we can start now to nurture ourselves and set an example of self-care and self-love that carries the message to our children that women are important and valuable. We can be gentle with ourselves when we mess up, admit our mistakes, apologize to our children and ask (but not require!) forgiveness. We can be 100% accepting of ourselves – flaws included – and be 100% accepting of our children – tantrums included. We can show our children unconditional love with our actions, words, tone, and body language, even and especially when they are not behaving the way we want them to. And when we mess up, we can admit it to them and repair the relational rift and mend feelings.
When our children struggle with their emotions and behaviour, we can firmly and lovingly set limits and then, with patience and support, stay physically present with them to keep them/us/others safe from injury until they calm down. With everything we say and do, we can intentionally communicate the message: ‘I love you for who you are, no matter what. When you mess up and I need to redirect you and set limits, I love you just the same and am with you while you learn and grow.’ Mihaela Plugarasu, founder of Parenting Made Conscious, explains in the book Conscious Parenting of Your Toddler how important it is to work through our own emotional baggage in order to be more present and conscious parents.
‘I love you for who you are, no matter what!’
Prioritize Emotional Wholeness and Social Intelligence
To practice empathy, patience and compassion with our children and to model these traits with ourselves is to show them how to be empathetic, patient and compassionate adults. And while intelligence plays a role in important milestones like university and job prospects, emotional stability and social intelligence is even more important. How well will someone hold a stable career if their emotions cause them to lose every job or to develop an alcohol problem? There is so much emphasis on cognitive development and intellectual advancement among young children. Children receive plenty of pressure to achieve at every age.
While cognitive skills and intellect are inherently good, it seems to have become something of an obsession these days – while social skills like empathy and communication lag sadly behind in priority. I’d wager something like 574% of us have dealt with socially inadequate adults in the workforce (correct me if my statistic is wrong). And while there truly are some people with psychopathic tendencies, the vast majority of socially inept people simply never learned any better and are operating based on the learning that they absorbed during their early childhood. In other words, we basically live and work among giant walking talking toddlers. And while it isn’t necessarily someone’s fault if they haven’t recognized the extent or lack of their emotional development, it is their responsibility to go from here and do the self-work necessary to grow and evolve.
Self-Care is Crucial for Parents
There is nothing wrong with feeling like an overstimulated toddler in an adult’s body, but it is what we do in response to our thoughts and emotions that makes all the difference in the world, in every circumstance. When we look around us at a world full of people-induced problems, know that we can do better, starting here and now, by raising our children with intention and loving focus. This is how we women shape history. But let’s also remember that while mothers hold this special power to cultivate young minds, we are human, too! As with every area of life, we are only as effective at using our power as we are healthy and whole ourselves.
We need to take care of ourselves and realize that, in addition to obviously benefiting ourselves when we live and love at our full capacity, this really translates to ‘taking care of ourselves in order to raise healthy and whole little humans’. So keep in mind that self-care is anything but just self-care. It really should be called ‘self-and-humanity-care’ because in caring for ourselves, in nourishing our inner space and doing what we need to do to feel mentally and physically healthy, we are replenishing our power and love every day to better love those in our care (as well as everyone else, for that matter). Cy Lauz, a designer interviewed in Grace Bonney’s book In the Company of Women, explained: ‘When you change the lives of women, you also change family life – and when that core of family values is changed, you’ve changed the world forever.’
The Takeaway: Know Your Power and Apply It
Remember that while this understated power applies most directly to biological mothers caring for their young children since that is the most common scenario worldwide, it also applies to fathers, parents and carers of any gender identity, foster parents, grandparents, and other relatives, as well as teachers, childcare workers, and anyone who works directly with children and especially very young children. Whether you have your own children or not, we all have a role to play to at least some extent when we engage with young children, and how we treat and interact with them matters!
In a world full of madness and tears, let’s take heart, laugh, and spread our secret message that we women play the most powerful role in shaping our future men and women. We can light little flames of love and positivity in the hearts of ourselves and our children that will one day unite and create a roaring bonfire of lovingly powerful social progress.
Happy International Women’s Day!