Mother’s Day is this Sunday. Mothers deserve recognition, but I have a problem with Mother’s Day. For one, the greeting card industry has inadvertently piled on more busyness and guilt by commemorating all sorts of holidays meant to honor people groups. We are supposed to remember everybody’s birthday. There are the major holidays. Then there are all the other holidays like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Boss’s Day, and so many other ‘days’ that we have to acknowledge if enough other people do. Should we fail to do so, we risk offending the intended honoree. Even if somebody is not offended, they may feel left out if they see everybody else get cards/gifts/candies. This is why I acknowledge these holidays – I don’t want my family/friends to feel left out – but it becomes stressful when you’re expected to remember everything. Even a busy mother of a young child has her own mother(s).
The other reason I don’t favor Mother’s Day is because it seems to imply that this is the one day of the year where we honor mothering. Every mother appreciates chocolates and praise, but most of us rather prefer a built-in system of help and/or income. Instead of being doted on one day a year, wouldn’t we all rather have a salary for the endless work we do? At the very least, wouldn’t we all love vouchers for at least part-time childcare to help out when we need some downtime? For such an incredibly important and life-changing role, we could all use something more helpful than pretty greetings cards and empty calories, as much as we do love them.
Mothers of all ages: know that the world appreciates you! It’s hard. You’ve done some work. Many women do not have children but have nonetheless mothered other children in incredible ways. My favourite aunt and my best friend have never wanted children of their own, but they have both always given incredibly loving attention to the children they’re around or care for at various times. They have mothered, too. Whatever your status, however old you are, you have probably mothered in some way in your life. Whether anyone gives you a card or a phone call for Mother’s Day, know that you are truly appreciated for making the world a better place by mothering.
For those of us who mother a young child, this jungle of excitement is intense but surprisingly short-lived. While we are in the thick of it and feeling every feeling and craving every food and delight that life could offer (but for which we simply have to wait), let’s describe some universal experiences to which many of us can relate and appreciate. If you can relate to any of these, you’re in good company!
How you know you’re a young mother:
1. Despite any difficult jobs in the past, this is by far the most difficult job. Hands down.
2. The simplest pleasures, which you once took for granted (such as enjoying a drink or two while chatting uninterrupted with a friend, or watching a fun movie with your spouse), are now incredibly exciting and luxurious.
3. You feel a fierce, raw rage toward anybody with any potential or intention to harm your baby. As in, ‘you hurt my baby in any way I cut you’. And we mean business. William Congreve had it right: ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’.
4. For everybody else, though, you’ve incidentally developed a lot more grace for all children and people in general (perhaps due to learning and truly understanding how challenging it is both to be a child and to parent one).
5. You aren’t grossed out by your baby’s bodily fluids. Sure, you don’t want him sticking his toothbrush in your mouth after he’s used it to brush your teeth too, and you don’t want to get her poop on your hands when changing a diaper, but these things are much less gross and less of a big deal than if it happened with any other person of any age.
6. You just cannot seem to get rid of that belly fat. It simply Won’t. Go. Away. Maybe one day, when you actually get at least eight consecutive hours of sleep on more than a rare occasion.
7. BUT you have killer quads and triceps like never before. Babies are the best weight training program, not to mention all that squatting from getting on and off the ground with them at floor-level.
8. You genuinely miss your baby when you are away from them for any significant amount of time, such as when watching the rare movie, going out for a date night, or having any kind of freedom to do your own thing. It feels so natural to be physically close to them all of the time, so long periods of time away feel odd.
9. You rarely get to enjoy your entire mug of coffee or tea before it gets cold. You almost always have to drink it tepid or microwave it. Children seem to know when we want to enjoy a hot beverage and immediately employ other plans for us.
10. You’ve become ultra-sensitive, especially regarding anything involving children, and can’t even watch The Lion King without serious crying. Nature shows (where the weak or baby animals get attacked by predators) are off indefinitely.
11. You casually look into the coolest private school nearby to plan ‘the best’ experience for your child, glance at the tuition, and then immediately decide instead that the local public school is actually a terrific option (bus service!).
12. You never get tired of how cute your child is and continue to remark about this to your significant other/parent/whoever is close enough to you and your child to genuinely agree (since anybody else would understandably get sick of hearing it!).
13. Your chocolate intake has gone up considerably, likely because it’s one of the more acceptable substances on which to binge.
14. You find yourself seriously critiquing children’s books and begin to wonder whether you could earn a respectable income (or at least a tedious, supplemental income) writing much better quality/more interesting ones.
15. You’ve developed quite a repertoire of cute little songs and cheers for your baby, regardless of whether you have ever been a singer or cheerleader.
16. You enjoy going places for fun where there are also other children around. Instead of this being slightly annoying like it was before you were a parent, it’s now your default environment and completely normal and beneficial for your child to be around.
17. You are quite used to finding things in what would previously be considered unusual places: ball in shoe, hairbrush on bookshelf, coffee press in toy bin, toothbrush in toy fire truck, dirty sneaker on top of newly laundered and folded bed sheet, hairclips in laundry bin, jewelry in toy bin, crumbs anywhere.
18. You are well accustomed to having various messes face-smeared into your shoulder: boogers, tomato sauce, peanut butter, sardines, and avocado, to name a few.
19. No matter how much you prep in advance, you will always need more time getting out the door than you think. Between suddenly detecting a poopy diaper after having just gotten on yours and the baby’s coat and shoes, working through spontaneous temper tantrums, and all the other inevitable hold-ups, you should factor in at least an extra half hour of buffer time than you would normally give yourself for going somewhere.
20. You’ve been pushed to every emotional and mental limit like you never have before, and have been challenged to your core like no other time in your life. You have grown tremendously as a person.
To every mother of a young child and to women of all ages who have mothered in any way, we wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!